fredag 29 oktober 2010

How I usually get through the day

I read someone´s blog and when I closed it the last word I saw was ”stroke”, then I had to re-open it and read another one because otherwise I might have a stroke. The new last word was ”bagel”. I hope I get one.

The man I live with brought home a massage armchair. It´s gigantic and in fake leather and I hate it and I said ”Why´d you take that thing home, you promised me no more fuckin´leather!” and he said ”It was only 60 bucks!” and I´m like ”What?” and he´s like: ”It´s broken.” Me again: ”What?” Now it´s in my living room laughing its immobile ass off, and I have to find a way to kill it.

I pour my favorite detergent on a rag and I inhale deeply and that´s how I get through the day.

You know you´re heterosexual when even stupid ugly guy that you really despise makes you think about sex. You wonder what his cock looks like and if it would stretch you and if his ugliness would somehow be an advantage during sex like some sort of exotic addition to spice things up. And then you have to focus on work and you´re all like ”What´s wrong with me?”

Well, maybe you´re ovulating?

I can´t be bothered to wrap gifts so I take aluminium foil and sort of squeeze it around the presents and if it breaks I cover the hole with some more foil and tell myself it´s artsy. I go into the bathroom and take the towels down to wash them and the acoustics is profoundly changed. I stay in there for half an hour trying it out. But I can´t be bothered to wrap gifts and I put the towels somewhere and I´m pretty sure it wasn´t in the washer.

I put two eggs in a bowl to make an omelette and I log onto my computer and write something and when I come back it´s dark and the eggs have dried and have a kind of jellied surface and I find it fascinating but maybe not edible and this may be the reason why I´m thin.

I should not be left unattended. The dog knows this and the children and even the baby with his I´ve-seen-it-all look and his greedy little mouth. I let myself go when they´re all asleep and as I drift off into space I look back on Earth wishing I´d have been compatible with it. I kick myself out of orbit taking nothing with me, except for that sweet-smelling rag.

4 kommentarer:

  1. I think I love you.

    It's risky to write this. But even riskier to read this. Which one of us is braver, and if it's me, does that mean I have to kill the un-massage chair for you? I will not be gentle. I never am. I will have the baby help me.

  2. You´re back =)

    There should be more risk-taking. I´m thinking if we all take more risks we´ll learn normality is a wider concept than we ever imagined.

    And we´re writing people so it doesn´t all have to be true =)

    That said, writing about myself still scares me. Most of the time I can´t decide whether I want to be visible or invisible. When I submit stuff to some lit zine the use of my real name makes me feel nauseus. And I know I probably won´t get accepted anyway! But still, if my name´s out there then I´m somehow out there and then I´m visible and where does that leave me? I think I´ll go smell my rag now...

    T. woke up and caught me sitting in the damn chair writing this and he was all like Ha! and I told him you said you´d kill it for me and he said: "Tell her what it´s gonna be good for!" with his eye-brows all wiggly...

    Oh! Squeee! I´m thinking the killing will have to wait ;)

  3. T. and his wiggly eyebrows made me laugh. I assume he's going to strap rockets onto it and you will shoot into space, leather-and-human meteors on your way to Jupiter? No? That's not what he meant? ;)

    A lot of people comment on my work, even my "old" stuff (ahem) as if it was all true, all happened to me. That's disturbing. I am very aware of the line between reality and non-reality, but sometimes I think others might not be. And then, frighteningly, I think that maybe I don't know where the line between the two states lie. Maybe it's me that's disturbed. Or maybe you're right, and it's not so narrow, and the field of normalcy is far wider than we think. I don't know.

    This is where I write from. See you around the corner in the next reality....

  4. "And then, frighteningly, I think that maybe I don't know where the line between the two states lie." Yes! There you go, widening the concept! Thanks =)