fredag 15 juni 2012

Climbing the Eiger´s North Face. Not.

I´m so disappointed in myself. Have been for awhile now, cannot imagine why anyone would ever like to spend time with me.

Went to a party anyway. Took pink, furry pills, just to feel cute, you see. Mixed gin with wine and ended up asking everyone about their sex habits – not as popular as you would believe.

I made a big creamy cake and served it on the terrace – success! But then I sat on the vicar´s lap and it was all back to normal.

My husband says ”Let´s go home!” I ignore him. He leaves and I end up feeling confused. What do I really want? L says ”Let´s watch Croatia versus Italy!” and I´m all ”Yes!!!” (I hate football) and then I furiously cheer on Croatia and end up not knowing who won (probably Italy, right?). J makes meatballs and watch with her husband´s friends, she´s afraid to say she wants Sweden to win so she just shuts up, but is that right, I ask you?

Sometimes I think the veins on the back of my hands grow as I watch them. They´re thick as ropes now and maybe they thrive on my gaze! I want to look away, but I can´t and so they grow and grow… I imagine I can feel some kind of pressure when they want to break free from the skin and suddenly I panic and have to bang my head against the wall. But I´m all alone, no one is here with me, so it´s all in vain.

Do you think I should wear vintage Schiaparelli or something from darling Vivienne? Do you think I care? Lalalalalaaaaaa…

I got lemon trees in pots for my birthday. They died. Not because of the temperature (that I would have accepted) but because of the wind! Apparently it´s too windy here, everything pales and withers. I´m becoming rather pale, although, that´s probably because I abuse sunblock.

Stupid ugly guy upsets me. He´s so very stupid. And ugly. And his voice has a weak whispering quality, we´re talking no stomach support whatsoever, and I want to claw at his eyes every time he uses that voice. But I  wonder about the size of his cock and I despise myself.

I strip and write cool things on my chest and then I take photos of myself through the mirror. The photos turn out average so I throw myself on the floor and scream, but there´s still no one here.

My husband prefers work to spending time with me. And then he wants me to be cheerful, willing and uncomplicated. I should shout ”No!” but the fact is I want that too. Hm, maybe some more pills. Or maybe I should replace my husband with George Clooney? My live in exchange for a coffee commercial.

Zlatan, Zlatan, your hair looks appalling! We are going to lose this, I can´t say I´m surprised. I gave up the right to feel surprised a long time ago, it´s such a fresh, young feeling! And I´m used to losing. I really, truly believe all is lost (sure, try recycling, see if that helps, knock yourselves out).

Do you think I´m cute? I´ll scream if you say no.

2 kommentarer:

  1. Quite cute. Wear vintage, always, especially on your wrists. Did you know what's back in style these days? Cutting. It was all the vogue for a while, and then everyone went back to wearing long sleeves, but now you can do it and maybe it will help with that pressure problem, and everyone will think you're sophisticated and very deep. You could pull it off. And more opportunities for pictures, so there's that.

    Truth: This was a kick-ass post from your world.

  2. Cutting?! Jesus Christ! I wish we could all give up on shallowness and try having honest conversations! But maybe we can´t, maybe it would require too much energy and we´d be exhausted and never leave our houses?

    You would not believe some of the conversations I end up having in RL. I pose as a soccer mum! As the well-adapted neighbour! As normal!!! And I suspect everyone else is doing the same...

    I like internet conversations =)